Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Letter of Complaint (Evan Almighty [2])

Here's more indignation aimed at the makers of the soul-freezing entertainment void that was Evan Almighty, a film that made Bruce Almighty look like The Producers (original flavour).

Dear Evan Almighty creators,

I am writing in protest about your use of the acronym ARK at the end of the movie known as Evan Almighty (EA). Kindness Dissemination Technologies appreciates the efforts of Universal Pictures and the numerous production companies to distance the movie from the generosity generation meme popularly referred to as Random Acts of Kindness, which, as you will know following the correspondence between our lawyers, is a registered trademark of KDT.

However, despite our legal threats, we (KDT) feel not enough was done to differentiate between the two memes, and as such the final scene with the deity referred to as God exhorting the lead character to practice Acts of Random Kindness, which has been a bone of contention between us for a period of months, remains problematic. KDT holds copyright on this meme, and is unwilling to cede intellectual ownership of this meme to a deity, be it fictional or actual.

KDT is also worried that the popularisation of this altered meme will lead to confusion about the dissemination of such generosity, a potentially damaging distortion of our concept and, potentially, ruinous to the public reputation of our company. Random Acts of Kindness denote acts of kindness that are actualised randomly. Examples of such include:

  • Paying for the coffee of a stranger
  • Cleaning the windows of a neighbour's house when they are on holiday
  • Purchasing a computer for a school

  • Regrettably, altering the name of the meme to Acts of Random Kindness, in its attempt to distance your meme from that of KDT's, renders it unusable. It instead refers to acts of kindness that are random in nature, not randomly enacted. Here are some examples:

  • Paying a toll for a car-less tramp
  • Purchasing coffee for a cat
  • Mowing 50% of your neighbour's lawn

  • Literal enactment of this modified meme would render the concept meaningless, which could negatively impact upon the share value of KDT. Such an outcome is unacceptable. While we regret to involve our lawyers again after our previous round of ill-tempered debate, KDT feels it has no choice but to begin further legal action in order to clarify how kindness is to be disseminated throughout the world. Any efforts on the art of the makers of Evan Almighty to jeopardise the random purchasing of coffee or payment of toll charges is seen as an act of corporate hostility, and will be met with the full force of our legal powers. Consider this the beginning of a new legal battle. Keep the example of Pay It Forward, and the subsequent careers of its three leads in mind. Our legal resources are more formidable than you can possibly imagine.


    Ben E. Volence - CEO Kindness Dissemination Technologies (legal letter redeemable for free coffee at all participating Starbucks, coffee must be handed to nearest indigent)

    Final letter to come on Friday.

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