Sunday, 17 February 2008

Updates On Things I Said Before And Stuff

During the last few weeks of maintaining this blog I've made trillions of unfounded and poorly researched statements that have served to do nothing other than create a small corner of the internet where my world view reigns supreme no matter how different it is from actual reality (though really, who believes in objective reality anymore? That's a 20th Century concept, daddio). Well, occasionally it seems logical to go back and have a quick look to see how wrong that reality is.

1. Jumper will fail at the box office.

While giving my very long-winded opinion on Doug Liman's hip teleportation-porn sci-fi action thriller Jumper, I said the following:

I know Liman intended for the story to continue, but I really hope he had nothing to do with the stupidity of this final conversation, which answers no questions and leaves everyone's fates uncertain. People got mad at the end of Matrix Reloaded and Pirates of the Caribbean 2 because they were left up in the air, but at least the next installments were being made. Jumper ends with pretty much no resolution, and we probably won't ever get any. That's not cool to leave us hanging like that, filmmaking dudes. Look at how pissed off everyone was about Doc Savage and Buckaroo Banzai not getting the sequels we were promised.

Seriously, I'm gutted we never got that Doc Savage sequel, even though the original wasn't that great. Anyway, how badly did Jumper do? According to Boxofficemojo, four day weekend gross was approximately $33,850,000. That's not including the foreign box office, which will significantly include eight and a half of my hard-earned pounds. Not the biggest hit ever, and it will very probably drop off a lot, but two other movies had a four-day opening this week, and they didn't do anywhere near as well. It might even make back its $85m budget in time. I'm not sure that's enough for a sequel, but we can hope.

2. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus might still go ahead.

Seems it is indeed on the way, with Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell coming to the rescue. This pleases me greatly. I may not be the biggest Jude Law fan, but I'm still glad he's onboard. My love for Depp is the thing of legend, and Farrell is my favourite ever mojito fiend, so that's even better.

I will never apologise for loving Miami Vice! Do you hear me, world? NEVER!

3. Torchwood is shit.

No change there; the memory-warp episode Adam was still not good by normal TV standards. However, by Torchwood standards, it was passable. Filled with illogicalities and plot holes and some of the worst acting outside of community theatre, but it had some good ideas. Not all of them were well developed, and it doesn't help that an episode about altered identities is featured on a show where the characters are different from week to week anyway, but it wasn't a total screw-up. Plus, I saw Bryan Dick, who played memory-implant-thing Adam on Neal Street, larking about with some friends on Friday night, and he seemed to be having a great time, and I wouldn't want to contribute to ruining that good mood even a couple of days later. He was not bad in Torchwood, though not as good he was in Master and Commander. Better material and a better director, obviously.

However, our Sky+ box decided to ignore that the next episode, featuring the incredible MARTHA JONES was on after it, so I'm going to have to watch it on the now much-improved iPlayer. It's a battle between content delivery systems!

ETA: Thank you to all who have said nice things about the Meat post. I shall endeavour to monitor Torchwood's status as national shame-provider soon.

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